May Adoption Thoughts

Forward: As I began to accept the idea of adopting children I had so many thoughts and questions and revelations regarding God’s perfect timing that I couldn’t get them straight in my mind.  I sat down and wrote this explanation so that I could clearly share my thoughts with Keith and potentially an employee at Loving4the1, the first adoption agency we considered.  

Wow!  As I reflect on the Holy Spirit working to prepare my heart to welcome another child I am amazed.  It is so clear that this is not a new thought but something the Holy Spirt has been cultivating for at least seven years.  God is so wise and knows me intimately.  I am an idealistic person and as a young adult never considered adopting a child or thought that I would have any trouble bearing healthy children.  Of course God knew everything and was preparing me for his work as he says in Ephesians. 

Ephesians 2:10
For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. 

Keith and I got married in 2003 when I was 25.  Early in 2005 we conceived our first child and were filled with excitement and joy.  However, that pregnancy ended with a miscarriage and I was overcome with grief.   It just didn’t seem fair and I couldn’t understand why God didn’t bless us with a healthy baby. The doubts and insecurity of infertility entered my mind and that is when the Holy Spirit began to plant the seeds about the joy of adoption in my heart and mind.  I had a customer that was going through the heart wrenching process of fostering a child with the desire to adopt her and struggling with the injustice of the process.  As I heard her story month after month we decided that at  minimum someday we would get certified to provide respite childcare for other people going through that process.  

In 2006 we had our first child, a sweet baby girl and decided that it would be best for our family for me to become a stay at home mom.  It was a dream come true, an answer to our prayers.  My journey as a stay at home mom was also extremely difficult.  Even with the best of circumstances I couldn’t believe how discouraging and exhausting and frustrating life with a newborn could be.  I think the Holy Spirit used these challenges to humble me and help me understand why some mother’s are truly unable to meet the needs of their children.  

In 2008 I had another miscarriage.  In September of 2009 we had our second child, a sweet baby boy.  We were filled with joy and Keith felt our family was complete.  He was confident but I wasn’t ready to make any permanent decisions.  One Sunday at church I was praying for guidance and clearly felt the Holy Spirit telling me that my womb was closed but that there was more parenting for me to do.  It was so clear to me that God was sharing that I wasn’t being called to bear any more children because there were already children of his that needed my help.  I felt comfortable with this revelation and really thought the additional parenting would be in the form of volunteering at the church or helping out family members or volunteering with single mothers or serving in a charity project.  I knew that if I had another baby it would significantly reduce my availability to serve outside my family.  In 2010 Keith had a vasectomy and we thought our family was complete.   

In the summer of 2010 the Lord led our family to move to Dallas.  The timing was amazing and a clear sign that God was providing for all the needs of our family.  Keith had been looking for a more fulfilling career and had tried to get a job in Dallas the year before.  The offer fell through but he continued to search.  About a year later he received an offer from a company in Dallas.  It was July 26, 2010 and is crystal clear in my mind because my Dad lived in Dallas at the time and his birthday present was knowing that our family would be moving close to him.  It was such a joy to tell my Dad the happy news.  Unfortunately, the next week he began to receive lots of bad news about his health.  Initially he discovered he had a cancerous tumor in his eye.  We immediately moved to the Dallas area and stayed with relatives while we waited for our house to sell.  Dad kept receiving bad news and ultimately learned that he had terminal stage four lung cancer.  God clearly showed me that he had orchestrated the move so that we could honor and care for my dad during his sickness.  In the next few months God gave me the ability to be my Daddy’s primary hospice care giver.  I didn’t have any medical experience but God provided and enabled me to do His work.  On December 19, 2010 I watched my Dad take his last breath.  The Holy Spirit clearly watered the seeds in my heart by showing that God provides in all situations by enabling us to do His work, even when we can’t see how things will ultimately work out. 

In 2011 we were busy wrapping up the move of our family to the Dallas area and processing everything that happened the previous year.  However, we did make some great friends at a local church and enjoyed some wonderful Bible teaching.  We also volunteered at the church and in the community.  We all had the opportunity to participate in Sunday School and Bible Studies.  In particular we memorized and prayed about the greatest commandments Jesus revealed in Matthew 27. 

Matthew 22:37-38 

37 Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ 38 This is the first and greatest commandment. 39 And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’

We are constantly reminded that we must teach our children these things by doing them as a family.  We often don’t know what loving our neighbor will look like in advance.  This weekend I met a friend of a friend who shared a lovely story about adoption.  She added some additional nourishment to the seeds.  We also heard an amazing speaker talking about the twelve pillars of a Christian home.  The first one was that children need a family and a home.  Keith and I ran into Sandy Lowry and she encouraged us to consider the Loving Alternatives Adoption Ministry and Loving4the1.  All of these experiences worked together to open our hearts.  We prayed for guidance at the alter on Sunday.  On the way home from church Keith told me that he felt the Holy Spirit was sharing with him that we may have a way to keep a family together.  Initially I couldn’t even process this concept.  He said we should be open to welcoming siblings into our home.  

We discussed the idea of different races and I keep wondering if God wants us to raise a hispanic child or children. I don’t know why, but I have been very interested in Spanish since college.  I have a minor in Spanish and lived in Spain during college.  We began teaching both our children Spanish when they were one.  Currently both of our children are enrolled in a Spanish immersion preschool where they learn to love both the language and Latin culture.  

Truly beginning to open our hearts to the possibility of expanding our family is an amazing way to celebrate Mother’s Day!  I am so thankful for the mothers that have come before me and my experiences so far as a Mother.  I browsed the Internet briefly and sent Sandy a short email but still don’t know what God has planned for us.  I keep going back to the chorus of a hymn I loved as a teenager and just “happened” to sing at Bible study this week.

Daniel O'Donnell - Here I Am Lord

Here I am Lord

Is it I Lord?

I have heard you calling in the night

I will go Lord

If you lead me

I will hold your people in my heart.

We don’t know exactly how God will use our family to love our neighbors, but “I will go Lord If you lead me.”

Heather Jane Link, May 14 2012