What PANCAKES taught me about love.

What pancakes taught me about love.

October 20, 2012. 

We LOVE, LOVE, LOVE our children!  We try to show them our love by having fun times as a family and enjoying special food and celebrating special holidays.  As I delve deeper into the characteristics of God I believe He wants to do the same thing for us, His children. 

John 6:35 says ‘Then Jesus declared, “I am the bread of life. Whoever comes to me will never go hungry, and whoever believes in me will never be thirsty.’

This metaphor reveals that Christ alone can fill the hunger in our spirits with saving grace, peace and a perfect love.  We often try to fill this hunger with substitutes like human relationships, material possessions, and worldly goals.  Our efforts always fail.

What does this have to do with eating pancakes with my kids?  Well, my husband and I just finished a forty day fast where we chose to give up all leavening ingredients and sweeteners.  We gave up all the types of bread we usually enjoy and looked for an option beyond sandwich bread, cinnamon rolls, tortillas, muffins, crackers, banana bread and pancakes.  

This gave me a brand new insight into the  provision of “daily bread”.  We started off by making a type of chapati bread that included only whole wheat flour, water, and salt.  Hmmm, it met our nutritional needs but wasn’t truly satisfying.  Then we tried another recipe that also included olive oil and it was better.  This experience revealed that I think of bread as something that should be pleasing to eat rather than a staple of nourishment.  In our culture it was really hard to eat at a restaurant or share a meal with friends and stick to our guidelines.  We looked forward to breaking our fast and sharing a special pancake breakfast with our children.  

Today we had a chance to enjoy a lazy breakfast with homemade from scratch pancakes.  I wish I could tell you this was such a sweet and special experience and we all sat around and celebrated God’s love and provision for us.  Not so much.  You see, our sweet three year old son and five year old daughter didn’t participate in the fast and have never gone a day without food.  I am so thankful we have been able to spare them from suffering but think they might be just a wee bit spoiled.  

It went a little bit more like this.  Mom, “Who wants to sit down and eat some yummy pancakes for breakfast?”

Precious Laura, “Mom, did you make a Mickey Mouse pancake?  I want Minnie Mouse.”

Sweet Jeffery, “No, Mom, I want chocolate chip Mickey Mouse.”

Even my dear husband, “I am going to make some bacon.  Are you going to make them special ones?  Where is the syrup.”  

Cue the letdown whau, whau, whaauu music.  This experience reiterates what was revealed to me by during the fast.  When it comes to special food we live in such luxury on a daily basis that it is hard to out do the commonplace with anything that could still be considered nourishment.  When I compare my perspective to that of the original audience of John I miss the significance of Jesus declaring, “I am the bread of life.”   He promises to provide all we need to sustain our souls and nourish us in the spiritual realm.  On a daily basis we need the provision Jesus offers with forgiveness and relationship with God and eternal life.  This supernatural gift is the sustaining food we need everyday to grow in Him.  Not a special sweet bread, not just another flavor of bread, maybe not always a bread that is pleasing and makes you feel good but THE BREAD OF LIFE, the staple necessary for our spiritual survival.  

Wow!  Are my kids going to miss out on this truth if I break down and give them syrup?  What is the next step?  I can see that pancakes have gotten completely out of control in America.  What are they going to want next?  Could it be whip cream, then strawberry sauce, then sprinkles then a whole stack of all you can eat sugary goodness washed down with some high fructose corn syrup beverage.  Is the extravagance of our culture going to blind them to the sustaining gift of life that Jesus offers?  

On a humble note, is the extravagance of life in suburban Dallas blinding me to the life giving truths that Jesus wants to give me?  Are all of the material blessings, daily activities, selfish desires, and concerns about the future distracting me from basking in the amazing love God has for me and doing the “good works which God prepared in advance for us to do” (Ephesians 2:10b)?  Yes, I know they are and I want to make some changes.  I hunger for a more satisfying experience and to enjoy the “exceeding greatness    of His power” (NKJV) or “incomparably great power” (NIV) described in Ephesians 1.  

Prayer for Spiritual Wisdom (NKJV)

15 Therefore I also, after I heard of your faith in the Lord Jesus and your love for all the saints, 16 do not cease to give thanks for you, making mention of you in my prayers: 17 that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of glory, may give to you the spirit of wisdom and revelation in the knowledge of Him, 18 the eyes of your understanding being enlightened; that you may know what is the hope of His calling, what are the riches of the glory of His inheritance in the saints, 19 and what is the exceeding greatness of His power toward us who believe, according to the working of His mighty power 20 which He worked in Christ when He raised Him from the dead and seated Him at His right hand in the heavenly places, 21 far above all principality and power and might and dominion, and every name that is named, not only in this age but also in that which is to come.

22 And He put all things under His feet, and gave Him to be head over all things to the church, 23 which is His body, the fullness of Him who fills all in all.

Yes, it seems so obvious that giving up the flimsy illusion of freedom we have to make decisions for ourselves in order to gain the “hope of His calling”  is the way to go.  I am praying for this spiritual wisdom to be revealed to me on a daily basis as I rely on the true bread of life to sustain me.  I am willing to give up the unsatisfying pleasures of this world so I can be aware of His presence on a daily basis.  I am willing to intentionally ignore the catchy marketing campaigns telling me I need to eat more extravagant foods or buy more extravagant things or have more time to myself or build an extravagant financial portfolio so I can appreciate the “exceeding greatness of His power toward me”!  

God is so good and I am thankful for His perfect love!  I am also thankful for the wonderful way he provides for our daily physical needs!

In case you are wondering, we did give our sweet children a few chocolate chips and syrup for their pancakes.  I ate mine topped with a banana and enjoyed every bite.  Keith did make bacon and we celebrated a special Saturday morning as a family.  However, the kids know that the leftover pancakes will be eaten on the weekdays without all the fancy fixings.  I feel convicted that we must choose to live in a way that leaves our heavenly Father ample opportunity to show us how much He loves us.  We must choose to live in a way so that His daily provision does not become a sense of personal entitlement or us demanding what we think we deserve.  I know that God loves us so much that he is giving us much better consequences than we truly deserve.  

God LOVES ME all the time!

Another chapter in our journey with God.  October 16, 2012 God LOVES ME all the time!

As I sit down to write this I am not sure where to begin because I don’t know who my audience will be or what my intended purpose is.  I woke up at 5:00 a.m. with an urgency to document all the amazing things God is doing in our lives right now so we can accurately glorify Him in the future.  If these words somehow bless others that is just an added bonus. 

In the last three days God showed me so much love and goodness that I just had to send an email to share with some of my sisters in Christ yesterday afternoon.  After I sent the email God continued to shower our family with blessings.  This is such a special season and I want to embrace His will and His perspective! Here is the email:

Hello Sweet Sisters in Christ, 

I know you are all busy but I am feeling so blessed today and must take a minute to share God's goodness with you.

As many of you know I have been struggling with feeling really down the last couple of weeks.  I was physically sick with a cold or allergies and emotionally I just couldn't get going.  I started each day with a battle to try to have a quiet time and the motivation to just do the things I needed to get done for my family.  I believe a battle with the root spirit of FEAR was also playing a part with the fruits of anxiety, faithlessness, inadequacy, worry, tension/stress, and my old friend perfectionism as my daily companions. 

Praise God, on Saturday morning I woke up at 5:30 without an alarm and felt hopeful and excited about the day!  God gave me a chance to chat with Kelli, Cristy's sister from the retreat and I asked her some of the questions I am wrestling with about Spiritual warfare and deliverance.  Kelli shared some of those insights with me but also reminded me that the most important thing, REALLY is that GOD LOVES US, unconditionally.  She recommended that I watch the sermon Unpunishable by Danny Silk.  What a blessing!  Thank you Kelli!

Anyway, I downloaded it and was able to listen to it with Keith on Saturday evening and Sunday before church.  What an amazing blessing!  My husband is so wonderful and often gets up early to have Bible Study time with other men, but we never get up at 6:00 a.m. to study together.  Plus we broke our Daniel fast so we could sip coffee while we watched.  It was amazing and I am really convinced that God loves me, unconditionally.  I would love to host a viewing of this message sometime soon so we can all be blessed together.  Since we aren't planning to meet for the Revelation study next Wednesday, Oct 24th maybe that would be a good time.  Plus it might be a great time to cover Kirsten in prayer before she goes to spend time with Blenda.  

I just LOVE the way he explains what has been written in God's word but is hard for me to apply.  

1 John 4:18

There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.

Over and over again God revealed His perfect love to me on Sunday: the weather, the joy of breaking the fast with bacon and eggs, the worship music at church (Kirsten I always think of you with love when I hear "Our God" by Chris Tomlin), the message, time with my family, LOVE for my kiddos and husband, and a hunger for quiet time.  Too good!

Today I again woke up feeling blessed, but started in on my to do list after quiet time.  Completing our kindergarten subjects for the day, I picked up our regular Bible study curriculum and just about fell over.  SO AMAZING the verse for today is John 3:16 and part of our activities included repeating "God loves me all the time!" over and over.  We literally YELLED it at the top of our lungs and burst into laughter and joyous giggles.  

As I type this Keith still doesn't have a job and I don't know what the future holds regarding bringing foster children into our home and I can't even imagine how I will be able to be an effective homeschool teacher long term, but IT DOESN'T REALLY MATTER.  God LOVES, LOVES, LOVES all of us with a perfect love and that is the most important thing.  Really, everything you need to know you learned in kindergarten ;-)

Love you girls and let me know if the 24th will work for you, 

Heather Jane

I sent that message around 1:00 p.m. and God was working mightily in my husband’s heart.  Because he doesn’t currently have a job, he was available yesterday when a family from church asked for help loading their home for a cross country move.  I have PRAYED so many times for God to give Keith a servant’s heart and for his role as a servant leader to be revealed to me.  Not only did he spend the entire day working to help them but Keith felt the Holy Spirit working in his heart in a powerful way.  The family (who we know well but I won’t name to respect their privacy) shared that they were moving the next day with only $500 in the bank and that they were discouraged that their efforts to save more money were thwarted with a number of financial emergencies.  Keith sent some texts to some other men at church and they committed to give this family a love gift.  Literally minutes before the bank closed, Keith went to get $1000 for this sweet family.  We do not have any salary coming in this month and were not sure exactly how much the other families were going to contribute but, after praying together felt this was what the Holy Spirit was calling us to do.  We gathered up some snacks, wrote a card of encouragement, and that night Keith took the kids and delivered the money.  Among tears of joy Keith felt called to pray and the Holy Spirit led them in a special time of prayer.  WOW!

I just love how this experience shows God’s perspective.  This family has been trying to relocate for years.  Only God knew that His perfect timing would allow Keith to be out of work on a Monday and for His body of believers to have the means and opportunity to share God’s love with a tangible reminder of His goodness.  Only God knew what a wonderful servant leader He chose as my husband almost ten years ago.  

While Keith graciously offered to take the kids and deliver the love gift (a little miracle ;-) all by itself ) I stayed home to finish baking and clean up.  After sending my email I had received a text from Kelli asking me to call her when I had a minute to talk.  Lo and behold, as the cinnamon rolls baked I had a quiet minute to call her.  She was at a football game but I “just happened” to call right during half time so she could chat.  We received even more blessings as she poured out more wisdom and showered our family in powerful prayer.  

I have prayed and longed for Keith and I to have deep spiritual discussions and for him to share what God is doing in his heart.  God so granted my request and gave me more than I could have even imagined last night.  Keith and I stayed up way past 11:00 p.m. reviewing all the ways God revealed his goodness in this season and sharing time in meaningful prayer.  

God’s perfect timing was also revealed in other smaller and yet still glorious ways yesterday.  As I got up for my quiet time I felt the Holy Spirit nudging me to pray about a fundraiser for water is basic.  Keith and I are looking forward to our ten year anniversary next summer and have talked about different dreams for celebrating over the years.  I jotted down this note so I wouldn’t forget: 

10 year anniversary fundraiser for Water Is Basic.  Family party with free food and water but charging for some drinks or all drinks??? Show God’s love by focusing on provision of living and physical water.  Examples of water labor? Water jug races?  . . . more on that to come in God’s timing.

Also, we were planning to go to the Texas State Fair today to have some fun as a family and make the most of having Keith off work and the flexibility of homeschooling.  On Tuesdays Dr Pepper sponsors a discount if you bring in their cans.  Yesterday I was on my way to Kroger to pick up some groceries and the needed Dr Pepper cans when I received a text from Christine Sanders offering our family free tickets.  Wow God, what amazing timing!  Yes thank you very much!  We may even have extra tickets and plan to pass them along to someone at the fair as a token of God’s goodness and look forward to that fun.  Plus, my friend Karla gave us some extra fairway tickets her family didn’t use so we are being showered with generosity. 

Other little events that may not seem so impressive just poured God’s love into my heart as well.  I have been questioning our decision to send Jeffery to Spanish Schoolhouse during this season.  It is really expensive and I could keep him home and save the money and he says he doesn’t like it and cries when we tell him he has to go and more thoughts like these cross my mind regularly.  Yesterday sweet Jeffery walked in the door after school, grabbed an apple off the counter, and with the sweetest grin said, “manzana”.  Now that may not seem like a miracle for a kid that I have been coaching to speak a single Spanish word for years and that just came home from two months of Spanish preschool but it felt like a word of confirmation for this mamma.  

Also, I have been questioning the idea of a prayer language and trying to find clarification in scripture.  Last night, right before bed I was reading “Becoming a Prayer Warrior” by Beth Alves.  I have had this book sitting by my bed since June but haven’t picked it up.  That book led me to 1 Corinthians 14 and addressed all my concerns.  God is so good and shares his love in such amazing ways.  

When I turned on the computer to write this I received an email from Kirsten sharing that she woke up at 4:30 a.m. this morning battling fear, saw my email from yesterday,  and was comforted by God’s words.  I mean, come on, this is getting a little bit excessive God.  You are just too much!!!   

Summer 2012: How Do We Obey?

Another Chapter in the Link journey.  Summer 2012 How do we obey? 

Well, now it is time to share what happened after the monumental Mother’s Day.  After feeling the Holy Spirit work in both of our lives simultaneously we were confident that we should proceed with the adoption process.  I also must add that we were finally united and confident about our decision to homeschool Laura as well.  You see, before feeling called to become a foster parent I felt totally overwhelmed by figuring out how to teach kindergarten.  Seems silly, now but that is the truth. 

When we bought our home in Coppell we were heavily influenced by the great reviews the school system had received and hoped to enroll Laura in the dual immersion Spanish English kindergarten class.  The sign up deadline was in February 2012 and as 2011 came to an end I continued to ask questions and feel stressed and concerned.  On Christmas Day we were celebrating Jesus by going to church with Na and Pop in Connecticut.  Laura came to the big service with us and I was praying and trying to give God control over our plans for the upcoming year.  I remember asking Him to help me figure out which activities we should cut out so that we could still have time as a family but also wanting to give her the opportunity to participate in different things.  The Holy Spirit clearly showed me that we would have time for all His plans by just keeping her home.  This was BIG news to me and I gently shared the idea with Keith and his parents that afternoon.  

Keith wasn’t really on board and to be honest I really didn’t want to do it so I was fine with accepting his role as head of household and signing her up for public school.  You see, my selfish inside voice kept reminding me that I had been home with kiddos for over five years and it was almost time to take them to school and have some kid free “me” time.  I say I was fine, but I didn’t feel peace.  I wrestled with the decision and finally decided to go to the North Irving Christian Homeschool Association (NICHE) meeting in late January.  After all, they were meeting at our church and I wasn’t committing to anything.  I was just observing and I didn’t really think I would fit in.  Maybe that would satisfy my uneasiness and then I could sign Laura up.  

This is one of those times that God revealed to me that He uses His people to answer prayers.  I felt uncomfortable until three women went out of their way to shower me with support.  Caroline Livingston, Kate Forsythe, and Karla Ebensberger gently encouraged me to keep an open mind and persuaded me to attend the MomHeart conference led by Sally Clarkson in February.  It wasn’t a homeschool conference but led me to accept God’s plan for us to homeschool Laura.  Lo and behold, Keith came around and even agreed to take a few hours off work to hear Sally’s husband Clay Clarkson speak during the Home School Book Fair in May.  Yes, God really did have to do all that work to make sure we were just where we needed to be so he could reveal His plans about the next steps for adding to our family.  As an added bonus, being overwhelmed by adoption thoughts took over all my stressing resources and I was able to create and begin to execute a plan for homeschooling Laura with total peace.  

But what to do about adoption?  Sandy Lowry sent us an email about two precious children that were looking for a forever home.  Jonah was four and Meagan was almost two and they had been removed from their biological home due to severe neglect.  Within a couple of days we went from beginning to think about adoption to being willing to adopt these kiddos.  You see we used to talk about names for additional children Megan has always been Keith’s favorite girl name.  In fact if Jeffery had been a girl we would have named him Megan Allison.  My Dad used to joke about “when is little Megan coming?”.  It looked like little Meagan might very well be coming and that she had a brother named Jonah.  However, the agency in Tyler did not respond to any of our emails and after leaving messages we finally found out they were going to another family.  We felt strangely disappointed and unsure of our next steps. 

 Well fortunately God made things really obvious by organizing a Tapestry meeting at our church with childcare titled “Thinking about adoption?  Myths and Realities”.  We went to the meeting and were led to attend the official Foster Care Orientation meeting and Foster Support group led by Ira and Valerie Kirkley.  The support we received at that meeting gave us the confidence to select Covenant Kids as our foster agency.  God really needed us to be at that agency because he had plans for us to answer some prayer requests for another family, but more on that later.  

In June we officially signed up with Covenant Kids and began to complete the extensive training program.  We were blessed to receive practical Christian guidance on how to help children from hard places heal.  We learned about how becoming a foster parent is making your home a place of ministry and how we can share God’s unconditional love with children from hard places and their biological families.  We learned that the families of these hurting children usually came from hard places themselves and that they truly could not break the cycle of neglect and abuse on their own.  We learned that dealing with Child Protection Services (CPS) involves a mountain of paperwork and that we were going to have to complete a huge checklist of items before we could invite a child into our home.  We felt called to complete this process and were obeying, but we had to work around all the existing summer plans and our own agendas.  

On July 18th, I received a text from Karla telling me that she had a friend who needed a family to provide respite for her foster kids for a couple of weeks.  This is how we first learned about the North family and their need for a “maternity leave” respite.  What a blessing!  After meeting this sweet family and spending some time with Jashawn and Angel we had a new passion to complete all of our training, quickly!  We know God was calling us to be His hands and feet by being foster parents but when Kayla asked us to provide respite care we knew we needed to complete our respite certification by August 16th.  We rushed through the forms, rearranged our entire house, added bunk beds to the kid’s rooms, had the fire department and city of coppell complete our inspections, and twisted our schedule to ensure we could attend all of the required classes.  

However, Kayla didn’t have her baby early like she thought she would.  We learned first hand that life as a foster family is often characterized by unexpected changes in plans.  Keith unexpectedly lost his job at Poly-America on August 28th.  This came as quite a shock and we were immediately concerned about how we we would pay all of our bills.  We took our concerns to God in prayer and He showered us with peace.  God assured me that this was part of His plan and that He would bless Keith’s career in a way that would bring Him glory.  Keith immediately started networking and passing his updated resume to all of his contacts.  

The way God changed our circumstances revealed that His perspective is often difficult for us to understand.  You see, Keith had shared that he really wanted to get back into sales and that he felt his work environment was toxic.  However, his job at Poly provided a luxurious salary and required minimal overnight travel.  A job in sales would probably provide a salary plus commission variable compensation package and require a great deal of overnight travel.  It didn’t make sense to throw that type of variable in the mix when we were already feeling a little overwhelmed by the idea of expanding our family.  However, when Keith lost his job we were completely comfortable with those variables, in fact we prayed for them, our perspective had changed.  

God’s timing was absolutely divine.  Keith had a couple of weeks to focus all of his energy on finding a job and the kids and I had some time to figure out how to do homeschool with Daddy at home.  On September 4th, Keith and I started a forty day Daniel fast.  We were also both reading the whole Bible on our own and committing to pray for the nations along with Operation World.  Through reading the chronological Bible, quiet time, and international prayer God kept revealing to me that His perspective is not limited like human perspective.  This really helped me have the courage to continue walk in faith.  

In fact that sweet baby girl didn’t show up until September 9th and we were able to take Jashawn and Angel to the Great Wolf Lodge to help us celebrate Jeffery’s third birthday.  It truly was a blessing to have Keith home during those weeks and he was able to love on those precious kids and help meet all of their needs.  In fact, we even had our sweet guests around when we completed our official home study for our adoption agency.   We were very concerned that we would not be able to proceed with our certification because we did not have adequate income.  We wondered if we would have to wait an extended period of time or if providing a loving home for our respite children was all God wanted us to do.  The case worker conducting the home study reassured us that she didn’t think it would be a problem if we could prove we had adequate savings to meet our financial needs but wasn’t able to provide a concrete answer.  

As the reality of raising our biological children,  caring for two foster children, running a household, and homeschooling Laura for kindergarten set in I began to feel overcommitted.  I had planned to attend the Community Bible Study offered at a church in Lewisville on Wednesdays and was thankful they had a large and active homeschool community.  However, Wednesdays were also one of the two days Jeffery attended preschool at Spanish Schoolhouse.  I started to think that Laura and I should probably stay home on Wednesdays so we could focus on homeschool.  We attended the first day even though it was a little crazy because we had to drive Jashawn an hour to preschool in Trophy Club before we could go and had to coordinate physical and speech therapy appointments for Angel.  It felt a little overwhelming.  However, when I sat down and listened to the opening lesson I almost FELL OUT OF MY CHAIR.  The theme of the entire year was PERSPECTIVE, the very thing the Lord had been revealing to me.  The Bible verse was Psalm 86:11 “Teach me Your way, Lord that I may rely on your faithfulness; Give me an undivided heart that I may fear your name. “  Right away I knew that I needed to commit to learning more about God’s perspective by participating in the CBS study and was able to trust that He would equip us to get all the needed tasks completed.  This precious peace carried me through our time of respite and encouraged me daily!

May Adoption Thoughts

Forward: As I began to accept the idea of adopting children I had so many thoughts and questions and revelations regarding God’s perfect timing that I couldn’t get them straight in my mind.  I sat down and wrote this explanation so that I could clearly share my thoughts with Keith and potentially an employee at Loving4the1, the first adoption agency we considered.  

Wow!  As I reflect on the Holy Spirit working to prepare my heart to welcome another child I am amazed.  It is so clear that this is not a new thought but something the Holy Spirt has been cultivating for at least seven years.  God is so wise and knows me intimately.  I am an idealistic person and as a young adult never considered adopting a child or thought that I would have any trouble bearing healthy children.  Of course God knew everything and was preparing me for his work as he says in Ephesians. 

Ephesians 2:10
For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. 

Keith and I got married in 2003 when I was 25.  Early in 2005 we conceived our first child and were filled with excitement and joy.  However, that pregnancy ended with a miscarriage and I was overcome with grief.   It just didn’t seem fair and I couldn’t understand why God didn’t bless us with a healthy baby. The doubts and insecurity of infertility entered my mind and that is when the Holy Spirit began to plant the seeds about the joy of adoption in my heart and mind.  I had a customer that was going through the heart wrenching process of fostering a child with the desire to adopt her and struggling with the injustice of the process.  As I heard her story month after month we decided that at  minimum someday we would get certified to provide respite childcare for other people going through that process.  

In 2006 we had our first child, a sweet baby girl and decided that it would be best for our family for me to become a stay at home mom.  It was a dream come true, an answer to our prayers.  My journey as a stay at home mom was also extremely difficult.  Even with the best of circumstances I couldn’t believe how discouraging and exhausting and frustrating life with a newborn could be.  I think the Holy Spirit used these challenges to humble me and help me understand why some mother’s are truly unable to meet the needs of their children.  

In 2008 I had another miscarriage.  In September of 2009 we had our second child, a sweet baby boy.  We were filled with joy and Keith felt our family was complete.  He was confident but I wasn’t ready to make any permanent decisions.  One Sunday at church I was praying for guidance and clearly felt the Holy Spirit telling me that my womb was closed but that there was more parenting for me to do.  It was so clear to me that God was sharing that I wasn’t being called to bear any more children because there were already children of his that needed my help.  I felt comfortable with this revelation and really thought the additional parenting would be in the form of volunteering at the church or helping out family members or volunteering with single mothers or serving in a charity project.  I knew that if I had another baby it would significantly reduce my availability to serve outside my family.  In 2010 Keith had a vasectomy and we thought our family was complete.   

In the summer of 2010 the Lord led our family to move to Dallas.  The timing was amazing and a clear sign that God was providing for all the needs of our family.  Keith had been looking for a more fulfilling career and had tried to get a job in Dallas the year before.  The offer fell through but he continued to search.  About a year later he received an offer from a company in Dallas.  It was July 26, 2010 and is crystal clear in my mind because my Dad lived in Dallas at the time and his birthday present was knowing that our family would be moving close to him.  It was such a joy to tell my Dad the happy news.  Unfortunately, the next week he began to receive lots of bad news about his health.  Initially he discovered he had a cancerous tumor in his eye.  We immediately moved to the Dallas area and stayed with relatives while we waited for our house to sell.  Dad kept receiving bad news and ultimately learned that he had terminal stage four lung cancer.  God clearly showed me that he had orchestrated the move so that we could honor and care for my dad during his sickness.  In the next few months God gave me the ability to be my Daddy’s primary hospice care giver.  I didn’t have any medical experience but God provided and enabled me to do His work.  On December 19, 2010 I watched my Dad take his last breath.  The Holy Spirit clearly watered the seeds in my heart by showing that God provides in all situations by enabling us to do His work, even when we can’t see how things will ultimately work out. 

In 2011 we were busy wrapping up the move of our family to the Dallas area and processing everything that happened the previous year.  However, we did make some great friends at a local church and enjoyed some wonderful Bible teaching.  We also volunteered at the church and in the community.  We all had the opportunity to participate in Sunday School and Bible Studies.  In particular we memorized and prayed about the greatest commandments Jesus revealed in Matthew 27. 

Matthew 22:37-38 

37 Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ 38 This is the first and greatest commandment. 39 And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’

We are constantly reminded that we must teach our children these things by doing them as a family.  We often don’t know what loving our neighbor will look like in advance.  This weekend I met a friend of a friend who shared a lovely story about adoption.  She added some additional nourishment to the seeds.  We also heard an amazing speaker talking about the twelve pillars of a Christian home.  The first one was that children need a family and a home.  Keith and I ran into Sandy Lowry and she encouraged us to consider the Loving Alternatives Adoption Ministry and Loving4the1.  All of these experiences worked together to open our hearts.  We prayed for guidance at the alter on Sunday.  On the way home from church Keith told me that he felt the Holy Spirit was sharing with him that we may have a way to keep a family together.  Initially I couldn’t even process this concept.  He said we should be open to welcoming siblings into our home.  

We discussed the idea of different races and I keep wondering if God wants us to raise a hispanic child or children. I don’t know why, but I have been very interested in Spanish since college.  I have a minor in Spanish and lived in Spain during college.  We began teaching both our children Spanish when they were one.  Currently both of our children are enrolled in a Spanish immersion preschool where they learn to love both the language and Latin culture.  

Truly beginning to open our hearts to the possibility of expanding our family is an amazing way to celebrate Mother’s Day!  I am so thankful for the mothers that have come before me and my experiences so far as a Mother.  I browsed the Internet briefly and sent Sandy a short email but still don’t know what God has planned for us.  I keep going back to the chorus of a hymn I loved as a teenager and just “happened” to sing at Bible study this week.

Daniel O'Donnell - Here I Am Lord

Here I am Lord

Is it I Lord?

I have heard you calling in the night

I will go Lord

If you lead me

I will hold your people in my heart.

We don’t know exactly how God will use our family to love our neighbors, but “I will go Lord If you lead me.”

Heather Jane Link, May 14 2012